**Warning: Particularly sweary post, written by one tired and very busy Mum with PMT and a bit of a cob on. Read on at your own risk…
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
A couple of years ago, a friend of mine posted a blog post she’d found on Facebook. I clicked on it because it’s title “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck” appealed to me and I thought it might make me laugh.
It was a great post, not just because it gave me all the LOLs, but also because there was a genuine message there which I have tried to carry with me ever since.
The thing is that, for me at least, with Motherhood came this unsolicited flock of f*cks to give. I had no idea where they came from, but suddenly I was at the mercy of them, perpetually flapping around my head and hovering over me, ready to shit guilt and stress on my head at a moment’s notice.
It’s crap. And I mean, really.
Total pointless crap ends up keeping me up at night when I’m stressed out. It’s tiring and frustrating and it makes me crabby and shouty at the drop of a hat.
I might have a lot to do, but when it comes to the f*cks I give, I’ve got no-one to blame but myself. Well, I’m telling you ladies – enough is enough!
As Mums, we owe it to ourselves to give it a rest.
Battling The Overwhelm
Over the past couple of weeks I’ve been chasing my tail. My kids have been ill, my house is a mess, and I’m so far behind on my work I’m earning a pittance. Throw in a couple of random factors like arranging my 5 year old’s birthday party and World bastard Book Day, and BOOM! Totally overwhelmed.
I’ve realised that this overwhelm is rooted in the fact that, with my ever growing to-do list came the obligatory pile of pointless f*cks given about things that really don’t make a blind bit of difference in the greater scheme of things.
It’s a cyclical thing. When it gets like this, and I find myself in the throes of a self-induced micro-crisis, eventually I get a grip and re-order my priorities.
… So, without further ado. Here is my own personal list of things I’ve stopped giving a shit about. Yours might be different, but if nothing else this post can serve as inspiration to put together your own. Let’s crack on, shall we?…
8 Things Mums Can Stop Giving A Sh*t About Right Now
1.) Kids Dress-Up Days
Obviously some f*ckwit somewhere thought it’d be nice and “just a bit of fun” to have World Book Day in early f*cking March. Not only does this render Mums everywhere panic-stricken at the prospect of creating some sort of outfit at a moment’s notice, but also drastically limits what sort of outfit can be warn for fear of inducing hypothermia on the school run.
And yes, I did get the sodding letter, but I was too busy trying to get my tantruming 5 year old home from school without a riot to read it properly, and by the time I actually got everyone home it had been unceremoniously dumped in the bottom of the buggy shelf, to remain untouched until I come across it’s crumpled form at some point in the distant future.
So no. No time for giving a shit about that. And here’s how you can do the same:- Put together a dressing up box of random clothes and outfits for your kids, along with any existing costumes you might have accumulated. When WBD or Comic Relief or anything else of that ilk rolls around, dig around and put together something that vaguely fits with a book your kid has read.
If you’re stuck for inspiration, this post from Mummy’s Gin Fund should do the trick.
It doesn’t have to be amazing. It will do. And if your kids start moaning about it just suggest they sort something else out themselves, and then distract them with snacks.
Pfft. What is this, the 1950’s? I genuinely don’t think I’ve ironed a single item of my own clothing for years. These days Pete will usually do his own, which leaves the kid’s stuff… Which basically means their school uniform. I worry sporadically that my kids look scruffy when they go in to school. They’re often a bit crumpled, to say the least.
Well… Sod it, actually. Because regardless of how well turned out my kids are when I drop them off, they will always emerge from the school gates at 3pm looking like incarnations of Stig Of The Dump, so the whole exercise is utterly fruitless anyway. So, zero f*cks. None. De nada.
3.) Bitchy Mums On The School Run:
Nope. Because f*ck them, f*ck that, and f*ck right off, frankly.
4.) Having a Messy House
I do hate my house being a mess. I find it hard to get anything done when there’s crap littering every surface, so I try and keep a handle on it.
However, there are times (like today) when it starts feeling like a location shoot for an episode of Hoarders. I especially hate it when it gets like this but I’ve got too many urgent things to do to spend much time clearing it up.
Well f*ck it… I refuse to give a shit about it until I can do something about it.
What’s the worst that could happen? Someone breaks into my house in the dead of night and judges me for my slovenly ways before making off with the flatscreen? Screw you, snooty burglar. I hope your freeview box explodes. No f*cks given here whatsoever.
5.) Home Decor
Nope. This aint Pinterest, lady. If you’re a Mum who can maintain a stylish element of home decor around your house with tiny, jammy-fingered humans marauding about the place, I salute you. I have no idea how you find the time, patience, or f*cks to give.
6.) Screen Time Guilt
Yes I know it’s not great for them.
Yes I do think they are less well behaved after they’ve been plugged into the matrix.
No I do not think it’s acceptable to use the iPad as a babysitter…
But someone’s got to get the dinner on, and if that’s the only way I can get 30 minutes to get it done, so be it. F*cks be gone!!
7.) Being Fat / Out of Shape / Unfit
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t moan about this from time to time and get all stressed about not feeling happy with the shape I’m in. But, well, worrying about it will not make me slimmer, will it?!? In fact, I’m more likely to crack open the wine on a Tuesday night if I’ve been beating myself up about stuff like this.
Ultimately I’ve got two choices. Either do something about it, or just forget about it until I’m ready. I could stress about it, or I could just give myself a break until I’m a bit less exhausted and then get exercising.
Sorry, no magic solution there, just boring old common sense. Not really worth giving a shit about in the meantime though, eh?
8.) Throwing Shit Kids Parties:
I’ve just run this particular gauntlet, so this is fresh in my mind (I’ve already hatched an idea for next week’s post on the topic, so watch this space and all that…) I am inherently shit at organising this sort of thing. It doesn’t matter what I choose to do I always have a last minute disaster in some form or other and end up winging it entirely.
Sometimes, comparing my kids do’s to some of the other polished and well organised parties (run by unflappably calm mothers who manage not only to look nice but also seem to actually enjoy these events) I can’t help feeling an occasional twinge of concern that my kids parties are a bit shit.
Note to self: If the kids had fun and no-one died, it was a success. No shit necessary to give.
Doesn’t that feel better already?
Thus concludes my list of things. I may have to revisit this in a month or so when things go tits up again, but in the meantime I am almost zen-like in my unruffledness.
What should you put on your Don’t-Give-A-Shit List?
If you liked this blog, why not check out some of my other shizzle here, you might find this one particularly handy if you’re having one of those days. You’ll also (probably) love The Mum Conundrum facebook group – it’s sure to ease your Mum Guilt. My Facebook page has lots of funny and interesting stuff on it too …A like and a follow is always welcome, you know ;0)
I’m also on twitter quite a bit, so do say hello if that’s your bag.
You can also email me if you’ve got an idea for something you’d like me to write about, or if you’d like to work with me. Feel free to hit me up here.
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