British Summer Time
It’s that time of year again. British Summer Time has commenced. The clocks went forward, and a collective groan rang out across the Nation.
In my pre-Mum days, back when the only time I didn’t pee alone was during trips to pub toilets with my buddies after a particularly poor decision to do another round of jagerbombs, knowing the clocks were going forward was just a minor irritation.
I’ll bet you were the same.
The sum total of our worries was that we would have one less hour of lie-in in which to nurse our hangovers that week. (Ah… lie-ins. Remember those delightful weekly treats? How carelessly we frittered them away, not understanding their impending extinction…)
Little did we know, back then, the true arse-ache impact of the clocks changing for our future Mum selves.
For Clock’s Sake!
For Mothers with children of a certain age, feelings towards the clock changing will vary wildly, depending on the particular brand of bedtime awkwardness of their kids.
Some Mums will be ecstatic at the prospect of being able to bump their early-riser’s wake-up forward to a more respectable hour (possibly). Whereas for others it poses a whole new problem – getting your
argumentative little shits spirited little monkeys to go to bed an entire hour early without a protracted argument.
I realised this year that since becoming a Mum I have always looked at the clocks going forward with a sort of idiotic amnesiac confidence. Every year, rather than thinking about the fact that we are all just losing an hour of our already compromised sleep time, I’m convinced I will be able to re-set my early risers to stay in bed for an extra hour in the mornings.
Every year I seem to forget that whilst it means that whilst the sprogs might be fooled into staying in bed longer for a morning or two, it usually doesn’t compensate for the fact that we seem to lose more than an hour at the other end, with each of my kids adamant that it can’t be bedtime because it’s not dark enough yet.
Even my littlest got in on the action this year:-
Yes. I know she is cute. Good job too, because she is also the ultimate micro-ninja sleep thief.
Lately she has started to sleep through the night more frequently. The upshot of which was (joy of joys) she began to wake earlier and earlier. I was averaging about 5.15am, and I was knackered to the point of blind desperation.
So when the clocks went forward I was pinning my hopes on re-setting things a bit, and possibly even seeing 6.30am in my own bed for a change. And it happened! It really did. (Allbeit only for the first night… Last night she had me going in and out of her room like the hokey cokey, although this can possibly be attributed more to the fact that she had the shits, rather than reverting back to hourly wakings again. If not, pray for me.)
Nonetheless, we did at least have one night of success for all three children.
Clocking great clock-change cheats
I tried to outwit the clock change (and also my older kids) this year, and certainly I think that our tactics helped a bit. Probably wont do much in the long run, but let’s not dwell…
Anywhoo… For what it’s worth, here are my clock change cheats, most of which can be applied to both the clocks going forward and back:-
1.) Put them to bed closer to their post clock-change bedtime (but not a whole hour)
We kept our kids up about half an hour the night before the clocks went forward, so it didn’t feel out of sync enough for them to start getting into a paddy in the morning when they’re wide awake but not allowed to get up yet… This one works a treat in tandem with 2.
2.) Gro-clock porky-pies
Once they’re old enough to be inducted into the cult of Gro Clock, this one works like a charm.
Clocks going forward? Leave the gro-clock on it’s old time til the next day. Congratulations, you’ve bought back that lost hour in bed! Clocks going back? Change them the night before, before your kids go to bed, so they think they’re up half an hour late but actually they’re in bed half an hour early (mwah-ha-haaaa!)
3.) Blackout blinds
How does anyone manage to survive Summer without blackout blinds? If you have small children you need these. End of. They come into their own when the clocks go forward, fooling your little early birds into thinking it’s still twilight and reducing the risk of 5am horror.
4.) Threats and bribery
Again, better with the 3-8yrs age range, owing to the fact that babies and young toddlers can’t be bribed because they own you. Threatened removal of iPad time, coupled with the promise of going the park in the morning if they stay in bed til Mr Sun went down a treat in our household.
Yes, I am a horrible mother. But, you know, it’s not like I’m beating them with sticks or anything.
Self explanatory, really. You can’t ignore a crying baby or toddler, obvs. But you can ignore the hell out of your older kids playing Transformers and Shopkins families outside your door at 5.45am. FACT.
Ok so not a cheat exactly, but if all else fails…
I can’t guarantee any of this will actually work of course, but it’s worth a try eh?! (especially the wine). Aaaannd of course the plus side of British Summer Time is that you no longer have to get up at sh*t o’clock in the pitch black. At least now you can drink your tea and scroll through your phone whilst trying to blank out the Paw Patrol theme tune without feeling like it’s the dead of night.
Happy Springtime, Motherlovers,
**Disclaimer: Yes, I have shamelessly punned all my headings. Yes, it is a fairly lacklustre and unimaginative substitution of the word ‘clock’ for obviously rude words. Blame my puerile and childish sense of humour. I clearly can’t help myself.**
Did you like this blog post? Give some of my other shizzle a whirl too, you might find this one particularly amusing if you’re in the midst of child induced sleep deprivation.
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